Leap of FAITH

Tonight while talking to an old friend through text message, my friend asked what I thought it meant to have faith or to take a "leap of faith" in life spiritually as well as in relationships. This is a question I really did not have an immeadiate answer for and I had to think about. "What does faith mean to me?" My mind autimatically went to a familiar verse,

Hebrews 11:1
" Now FAITH is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

I pondered this verse for a bit and had to ask myself what this truely meant because often times in my life the Bible and scriptures can just become a bunch of words that I have memorized. I asked my grandparents what their defnition of faith was and my Grandpa shared something with me written by a bishop for the Pentacostal Church of God that really made sense to me and this is just a bit of what it said:

"its the fear of foolishness that keeps us from raising our hand in fourth grade. The other kids may laugh if i get the answer wrong. It is the fear of foolishness that keeps us from asking someone out on a date. I don't think I can handle the rejection if they say no."

it goes on to say that people throughout the Bible people who accomplished great things often looked foolish while carrying out the tasks. For example; Noah building the ark, Sarah buying maternity clothes at 90 years of age, Peter stepping out of the boat into the water, and Jesus hanging half naked on a cross beaten and bruised.

After I went through all this in my mind combining this Bishop's knowledge and knowledge of what the scripture has to say I have come to one conclusion;
Having faith does not mean you will never fail it does not mean that you will never experience pain or hurt. The phrase "leap of faith" is worded like that because sometimes you just have to jump not knowing what is going to break your fall. Yeah it could be broken glass and you could come out with a few scrapes, and having to get back up and try again but what if you are caught by God's grace and everlasting love? Is it not worth the risk. To me faith is jumping in head first and knowing God will be there despite the outcome. Who would have thought that a simple five letter word could have so much meaning.

Never Alone

All of my life I have been nothing but blessed by the people around me. I have an awesome family, amazing friends and a boyfriend who means the world to me. Though I know these people would do anything for me just as I would for them, there are times in my life when things become very overwhelming and they are simply not able to make me feel better no matter how hard they try.
These last few days have been that way for me, school is keeping me insainley busy, I am trying to search for a job all this amidst a million other things and I have felt, on a few occasions, that I was alone and no one understood what I was going through because no one lives my life obviously. Well today as I was listening to music and reading my Bible I found a couple scriptures that really encouraged me.

First is the second half of Proverbs 18:24 which simply states
"but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Second verse is Hebrews 13:5 also the end of the verse
"Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you."

Thses verses are encouraging to me in many ways but mostly because it shows me that even when I feel like no one is ever going to understand or even really cares about my problems and struggles no matter how big or small, I KNOW my God does and he is going to stick by me on the mountains and in the valleys and he is NEVER going to leave my side no matter what I do because he loves me.

Love is Patient, Love is Kind

Most of us at some point in our lives have been to atleast one wedding if not multiple weddings and due to this fact most of us can pretty much quote the ever so traditional "love is patient love is kind" line. However since I have recently begun a relationship I have occassionaly thought about marriage and in turn a wedding and those words.
I sat down to spend some God time today and felt the need to look up those scriptures and heres what I have come up with as my prayer for myself in this relationship I am now a part of.

" Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast ,it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres"

These are more than just words said at a wedding to me as I begin to fall in love and really understand what they mean. I have felt love for people my entire life but this is a different kind of love this is the kind of love.

I simply ask and pray that God allow me to follow these characteristics of love. I want to be patient and not become frustrated I ask that God help me be as kind as possible and to not get angered easily dispite circumstances. I pray i am never boastful to my partner I would never want to hurt him in that way. I pray I am never to proud to share my feelings and concerns with him. I pray that I don't hold onto grudges for that will only hinder our relationship and certainly not help it. I want to rejoice with him in all things good and truthful. I want a love of trust and hope and perserverance because that's a love a feel can last and withstand the toughest circumstances.

Now I am not naive enough to think that things will be easy all the time and to think that I will never be angry or upset or that he will never feel those emotions towards me but I do pray that I can keep these verses in mind in the midst of storms. I have learned just from this short time that when someone as important to me as him hurts I hurt when he is happy I am happy I want to share his burdens and troubles as well as his joys and happiness. I pray things continue on the Godly path in which they have begun and that these words can remain close in mind and in heart.

Sickening Feeling, Not Always A Bad Thing......

This morning as I was making my coffee God felt the need to remind me of some of the times when he has used me to speak to people, most recently this past Sunday morning at church. I was unsure of the purpose of this at first but as I got to thinking why he could possibly want me to remember these things on this particulair day and then I remember a conversation I had with a good frind just a couple nights ago. She knows God wants her to do something but is scared of what the consequences may be if she does indeed talk to this person. So this is kinda for her (she knows who she is).

I got to thinking about when I feel like God wants me to tell someone sonething and how I feel, because afterwards its easy to forget how difficult it was to actually do it because I now see the positive outcomes of the situations. I remember one time inparticulair when I was at bible study at a friends house and God kept speaking the word "comforter" not sure what this meant I just kinda pushed it aside thinking I would figure it out later but God didn't quit I eventually had to get up and write down what I was being told and look up the verses he had given me. At that point I knew I was supposed to give this to someone but wasn't sure who, it was then that I recieved a text and I then knew who it was for. I just so happened to be the last person in the world that I wanted to give it to (go figure right). Needless to say I argued with God pretty much the entire ride home and told him I didn't want to do it but ultimately I decided okay I will do it. However when I got back to my dorm I began having second thoughts and doubting if tis was even God or if I was doing the right thing. I literally felt sick to my stomach with nerves and I had to do something so I called my friend and asked her to come to my room. When she got there I almost backed out yet again but before I could just handed her the paper with everything God had spoken to me on it she read it and guess what it was exactly what she needed on that day.

This wasn't the first or last time this has happened to me but I have recently come to the conclusion that when I begin to doubt something or question something that has been consistantly pulling at me for a long period of time it is usually God and the enemy is trying to keep me from being a witness. So I just have to suck up and do it and I have yet to be let down by God. I trust that he is the one speaking and not myself and I know he ALWAYS has the words that need to be said and that I myself am not the one that is helping the person involved.

The Thoughts That Kept Me Up

It's been a couple weeks since I have posted mainly because I really haven't had anything to say. However, tonight while I was getting ready for bed a had about a million things running through my min and yet not a single answer or solution for any of them. It was then I was prompted to get out my Bible because afterall it seems to always have the answers I need. I hate that i don't read it as much as I should but am always glad when I do decide to study and read The Word. Tonight God led me to Romans 12, a chapter that seems to be coming up alot in my life lately, so I decided to read it and it answered one of the most resounding questions in my head right now.

What significance do I have in the body of Christ?

Romans 12 discusses how every body has parts and no matter the size they all serve a very significant and much needed job all the way from the heart to your pinky toe each part is needed in order for the body to function normally. This is the same with a spiritual body. It goes on to say that people are called to do and be different things and you are to do what you are called fully, If you are called to prophessy then prophessy, if your called to teach then teach. I have recently learned that you don't have to be a preacher or evangelist or miracle worker to be a minister of the gospel. I have learned that sometimes the most powerful ministers are the high school teachers who never turn a child down who needs a friend, or a factory worker who always has a smile, or the janitor who never has a negative thing to say.

I am learning that though I may not know right now exactly what God has planned for my future that if I do what I can for him now it's all going to pan out as it should. Romans 12 also says to love sincerely and right now even if that's all I have to contribute to the kingdom then I will do it with all that I have, because how am I to know who it could touch and what lives it could reach. I ask for anyone who is reading this to pray for me that I can listen and obey what God calls me to do in the future and I also ask that you consider and pray about it in your own lives.

It's rare that God gives me a specific verse or chapter to read but when he does I always get such great insight and tonight I just felt it would be nice to share. However now it is off to bed I am exhausted and just want to sleep so good night everyone!!

So haven't really posted since I got home from Jamaica, mainly because I haven't had a whole lot to say but I figured what the heck I will just update my whole probably two readers on my life.
I got back from Jamaica on the 20th of June and spent a week just relaxing around the house getting used to the way things work in America again and then on the 27th I was off again!
My mom and her fiance' were headed up to the northeastern US towards Boston and New Hampshire, Connecticut and all that to visit some of his family, and since I had never been to any of those places I decided to tag along. So now I am sitting in a hotel room on a not so comfortable bed waiting on them to be ready to go so that we can go say our goodbyes and get on our plane to head home.
Once I get home who knows what my plans for the rest of the smmer will be they seem to come along as they do and I just go with it. Hoping to get back home, meaning, Clarksville, sometime before Auguest to visit soome friends from high school and some family. Then its off to school in August!!! I absolutely can NOT wait I miss that place mroe than I ever thought I would!!!!! I will once again be changing my major this time I am most positivie it is permanent because I really feel Adolescent psych is the perfect place for me to be.

Alright I will quit boring everyone with my plans now and get off of here and clean up so we can go.
Peace :)

The One Who Stole My Heart

So from the first day I was in Jamaica I have met some totally amazing and wonderful childrens, teens and adults and as I am sitting here with only a few days to go before I head home I am thinking about the people I have met and the impact they have made on me and my life. When on the second day of our arrival Ericka and I were asked to join the children's church on their outting to Hope Garden Zoo I really had no idea what to expect however once arriving and meeting all the kids I knew it would be a great day. Once we finished looking at allt he zoo had to offer we all went to an open feild near by and spent the remainder of the day playing games and having fun. It was then that I met a little four year old girl who came up to me and asked me to play catch with her and everyone knows its nearly impossible to say no to adorable young girl with a beautiful smile holding a Hello Kitty beach ball! It was then that I met Zoe!
I absolutely fell in love with this girl she was so happy and so inquisitive about everything around her and one of the most polite and well behaved four year olds I have ever come into contact with. Once we decided to take a rest from our playing one of the older girls informed me that Zoe had lost her mom only a short time ago. This totally broke my heart. As we continued to play this same older girl asked Zoe where her mother was and Zoe simply said as sure as ever.

"My Mommy is in the sky and she don't come down anymore but that okay I will see her agains soon."

After hearing these words come from such a small person I nearly lost it. It just never ceases to amaze me how God can show his love and mercy to even the smallest of people and can give them faith enough to make it through some of the hardest things in life. When she said those words I asked God right then and there to give me the faith of a child. I never really knew what that meant till I met this little girl.

As I arrived at the church tonight for a meeting I was so delighted to see Zoe standing outside. I no sooner got out of the car when she ran up to me and gave me one of the most needed hugs and smiles of my life. I will cherish this little one forever and never forget how on one of our last days together we spent a good thirty minutes playing catch with an imaginary ball outside. I only wish everyone had the opprotunity to meet this precious child. Thank you Zoe for all you have taught me may the Lord bless you and keep you always.

Mission Accomplished

So since we have been here I have had a personal mission to simply see another white person aside from Ericka and myself in Jamaica. Well last night as we were preparing for bed Ericka informed me that she had a similair misson only hers was a bit more ambitious she was determined to see a white person not only in Jamaica but in Old Harbor, the town we are staying in, which in my mind was rediculous because Old Harbor is not much of a city there I would assume only locals would be here witht he occasional random visitor like us and I just didn't think the odds were in our favor. However, I was wrong yes yes yes I know it DOES happen sometines. As we were sitting in the church office this morning a goup of people walked in and SURPRISE there was a white woman with them. I think she was just as shocked to see us as we were to see her. Though we didn't actually speak to her Ericka and I were quite excited. Ericka simply looked over to me and whispered, :mission accomplished"

What I am thinking

So as most people know by now I am going to leaving Jamaica about a month earlier than I originally planned, and to be honest I have mixed emotions about it I am not totally excited to be leaving this wonderful place the people here are wonderful and the church is incredible beyond words, however I wont lie and act as though I am not a little be excited about seeing my family.

So many have asked why am I leaving early and honestly the only answer I have is this.
I came into this journey with a very naive mindset. See I knew months ago that God would do something with me this summer but was never really sure what exactly it was so when I heard about the trip to Jamaica I just simply assumed that that must be what God had in mind. I am regrettful to say that I never prayed about it fervently I just took upon myself to know that that is what God wanted.
Coming to Jamaica has not been a bad thing by any means. It has in fact been one of the best things I have done in my life but I know I am here for the wrong reasons. I don't feel this is what God has for me right now I feel there is something else out there. This was confirmed for me personally when I was up all night praying to God. I asked him to show me what he wanted and if he wanted me to stay then he needed to make it impossible for me to leave. The main way for that to happen would be for me to not be able to afford a plane ticket home which means it would have to be more than $200 because I simply didn't have the money. However when I looked at plane tickets the following day I found a non-stop flight home for $139. This to me was enough.
I am sorry if I have disapointed anyone that was truely not my intention and if I thought this is where God wanted me then I would stay dispite all the circumstances. I hate that I am leaving Ericka here alone in fact she is the only reason I considered staying to begin with, but I know that would not have been right.

So there it is take from it what you will. I love all of you but I am asking you to trust that I am doing what I honestly feel is right.

PRAISE THE LORD!! no really praise the Lord about 130 times

Since being in Jamaica Ericka and myself have had time to not only visit the church we are working with obviously but two other churches as well.and we have noticed something that in my opinion as well as Ericka's is quite humoureous. The first couple services we noticed that they say praise the Lord alot. Each service we attended we noticed this pattern continued. So last night I decided I was going to count how many times they said it within the church service. Lets just say I lost count at 130!!! Now everyone who knows me knows I love God and I love to praise him but this to me is just hilarious. I guess the people in Jamaica really do love God and just want to let him know lol I love it. Just thought I would share.

In other news it appears the youth fellowship went well on Friday night. Ericka and I played a few games with the youth to learn their names and to teach them how to work together and then gave two short devotions and let them know what we wanted to accomplish this summer. They all seemed receptive but time will tell.

Well in closing it definitely looks like we may be going to the beach this week either tomorrow or Thursday from what I hear. I am super excited!! We have also heard that their may be fireworks at the US embassy ont he fourth of July so if this is indeed true we may or may not be going ther to see them and celebrate the fourth.

Well I believe that is all for now :)

Things I am sure of

I am pretty positive of about oooo lets say three things today.
1. I officially hate being a woman for at least a week or so out of every month and i am pretty sure being in a new country makes PMS about 100 times worse than it is normally.
2. I am pretty positive that Ericka and I will stand out a little more than usual on sunday if we do indeed sing in the choir. As if we didn't stick out enough just put us on stage with a bunch of Jamaicans (says Ericka) oo and just so you know I only found out we were doing this about 2.5 seconds ago lol.
ooo yes and last but not least probably my biggest accomplishment (maybe thats not the best word for what I did) of the day I am pretty sure i just scared a Jamaican woman away from ever going to Nebraska!!! Not completely intentional just so ya know.

Peace out and good day

Getting My Hands Dirty

So today Ericka and i decided to be quite brave and attempt to wash our clothes only if you remember correctly we do not have a washing machine so after about two weeks of not doing laundry we were out of clothes so what else can ya do right? So we went to our sink oooo sorry its a washing machine here we began to try and wash clothes on our own with what little experience either of us had. Needless to say this was a very interesting/ entertaining process however I feel we did okay our first load is hung out to dry while more wait to be washed. I must say though that my fingers are a bit sore from scrubbing the clothes but hey if your washing machine ever breaks never fear I am here to help.

A New Respect For Minorities

So I am going on two weeks here in Jamaica and have officially decided that I have a whole new respect for minorities in the states. Here, obviously unlike in the states Ericka and myself are the minority. We can not leave the house without having stares, this is not neccessarily done out of rudeness but simply curiousity. I can not begin to count the number of children who have asked to touch my skin and hair simply because it is not something they have seen alot if at all before. The only hard part is that is not really safe for us to be out on our own and that makes things a little crazy every now and then. However I will gladly take the negatives with the positives, but I do know that I will forever have a new respect for all minorities.

One down eight to go

So today marks a week I have been here in Jamaica which means we will be here for eight more. There is a mixture of excitement, dread, and hope in these next eight weeks. Excitement to see what God is going to do and to see what else i can learn and can teach others about thier culture as well as my own. Dread because a small part of me is missing home but i know that this journey will be well worth it and I will be home soon enough and of course hope because I know this is going to be one of the most importanat and meaningful experiences of my life.

I must admit these last few days have been quite entertaining I have learned a few things from my little seven year old friend Shanel and her six year old brother Roy so I thought I would share them with you.
first you must know that it is not a computer it is a laptop
secondly please know that shirts are not shirts they are blouses
oo yes and you do not say liTTle you say liKKLE lol

I get to go with the youth tonight to Juan de Bolas which is up on a mountian lol other than that not realliy sure what all that entails but it should be alot of fun none the less

OO The things I have done

So thus far while in Jamaica I have tried several dishes that I would not normally even imagine eating two inparticulair stick out, Swordfish and Pig Tail. Yes yes I definitiely ate the tail of a pig!!! It kinda just tastes like fat off of any animal so its not that great but it could be worse whereas the swordfish was just gross. I sit here and wonder if I were in the US would I have tried these things and the answer is pretty much NO WAY JOSE I want normal food but since I am in another culture I will try and do things as they do and experience things I wouldnt typically experience and who knows I may actually like something LOL

Give Me Your Eyes

Well the adventure continues.... We experienced a few new dishes yesterday including swordfish which I could either give or take. However Yesterday we also met with the pastor for the second time to discuss what our plans/goals were for the summer and gained alot of insight as to what exactly he wanted to see happen. After this meeting Ihave simply had one prayer that just happens to be the lyrics to a pretty great song as well.
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see"

This is my simple prayer as we continue on our journey here for there are many hurting souls and people who just simply need to know that they are not forgotten and are loved by someone.

Its day five and you can just call me Auntie Anna

Well it is officially day five and this is the first chance I have had to get onto the internet so I felt I should give everyone a bit of an update. These last five days have been absolutely crazy. We arrived on Friday morning and met the pastor and a few others fromt he church and we have pretty much been going none stop since then. We have hung out with the children's church, went to a youth fellowship, attended a church service as well as a wedding and been to see lots of Jamacia it has been an incredible journey so far! However I must admit there are a few things from home I do miss such as warm sowers, a washing machine and ooo yesssss TRAFFIC LAWS peopel here drive insainely and others just walk the streets as if it were a sidewalk and thier weren't cars going up and down it. LOL despite all that it has been amazing the kids here are incredibly sweet after spending all day saturday with them I am now known as Auntie Anna to about 70 children. I am really looking forward to learning more about this culture and will contiue to post as i get the chance.

Today is the day.... well actually tomorrow is

So I officially leave for Jamaica today!!! I am incredibly excited about getting there and seeing how this awesome opprotunity is going to unfold however getting there is the part I never look forward to. You see in order to get the cheapest flights possible me and my partner in crime on this journey, Ericka, will have a lovely seven thats right SEVEN hour layover in Florida this evening. So I suppose I technically won't be starting this adventrue til approximately 7:30 tomorrow morning. Not sure what type of internet access I will have once I arrive but will definitely post as much as possible.
Peace Loves

Letter to GOD

This morning I woke up with a very heavy heart when I came to the conclusion that in less than a week I would be leaving the comfort of my home to go to a country I have never been to and still had no clue really what I was going so I thought who better to ask than God which prompted me to write him as I sometimes do and I thought I would share it so maybe yall could join in prayer efforts as well.

Alright GOD just so you know( as if you didn't already) I only have four more days left til I leave for Jamaica and guess what? I still have NO clue what i am doing there or why I am even going. I feel like I have been incredibly patient seeing as how I have known about this trip for almost five months. I understand it is about YOU and what YOU are going to do and not me. However, it is a bit unsettling to know that in a few short days i will be going to a foreign country to work with teenagers when I have no clue where to even begin. Just please please please give me the boldness I am so badly going to need and let me know the words to say but GOD mostly PLEASE let me hear your voice. I need to know that your going to be right there with me the entire time because I CAN NOT do this on my own.

Love

Your Daughter

now off to do a bit of bible study

Moral Dilemas

I sometimes find myself in the position of having to make hard decissions, as I am sure everyon is. Tonight was one of those nights. It was my cousins prom night and him and his girlfriend were going to come home after and have a little bit of alcohol and just hang out. I myself originally planned to not partake because I just dont feel its right for me. However, tonight the temptation was stronger than ever as I watched pretty much my entire family drink. I personally do not see a problem with having a little to drink every now and then I simply have a problem with people who get drunk All things in moderation. I ultimately decided not to drink after debating in my head for nearly an hour of being asked repeatedly if I wanted a drink. Although I do not feel it would have been wrong for me to have had one I did come to the realization thanks to a friend of mine that I am constantly being watched and me being the only christian in my household has a reputation/example to live up to and I didnt want to take the risk of messing up any thing I had been working to build up. I look back now on something that happened just a couple hours ago and I don't regret it. I had just as much fun as they did and stayed sober. The greatest part of the evening that made it all worth it was when my cousins girlfriend looked over to me and said I respect your decission and realize your the real deal. That was more than enough for me.

A little more about me....

So I know there is an actual about me section on the blog however it has very little abourt me on there mostly because I was lazy when I was working on that part. So here are a few things you should know aobut me if you plan to read any of my posts.

-First and foremost I am a sold out Christian God is and will always be the center of all that I do . I am nineteen and still have no clue what I am doing with my life for awhile I thought I had a plan burt then God came on the scene. I live with a vision disabiltiy due to a condition called Albinism (more later ) that has hindered me at times but has strengthened me more I have a grand total of 13 siblings (crazy I know) I will try to explain if you think you can follow..... up for the task???? Alright here goes nothing. My mother and my dad (dad and father are two different people) thought seperated have raised me and my three brothers til I was about 11 when he moved back to New York and met a woman and they have since had three children two boys and a little girl. My dad also has another son from a previous relationship. Ok easy enough right?? However, when I was 15 my world was turned upside down when I met my biological father who lives in Iowa he has a wife of 17 years and they had 6 kids of their own three boys and three girls.... which equals a grand totaly of 13!!! I am sure there will be more about the whole dad/father thing later on.
Anyways I am now officially a sophmore in college and this last year has proven to be one of the greatest years of my life! It has held its challenges but has also held so many rewards. I had an amazing opprotunity to meet some amazing people who had more faith than I could even begin to imagine. The greatest part however rests in one major part of my life this past year. I was blessed with a huge opprotunity to serve in a ministry that ministers to young girls and that has completely changed my life. Knowing that you have helped a child (or teenager in this case) is so rewarding. I met some amazing young girls who have been through more in their short 12 years of age than I will ever have to experience. this ministry has given me more than I ever could have given it.... it gave me a chance to find what I loved to do....serve young people. Aside from this ministry and its official workings I have met a group of young women my age that have made such an impact on my life and I can never begin to thank them enough for the role they have played in my freshman year of college. I love you all!!!
Ok well if ya cant tell college has been major for me however aside from that . I tend to say what I think (sometiems good sometimes it gets me in trouble) I want so badly to follow God's will even though I often am unsure of what that may be. Aside from God family is number one and my friends are family. I guess the bottom line is I am who I am I know what I believe and I live the best I know how. After all I have more respect for someone who is willing to stand and fight for thier beleifs right or wrong, then someone who isn't willing to fight for anything.

Pictonary or Xbox anyone???

Well it is official.. I absolutely have no life whatsoever. You see for the last ooo i dont know couple nights or i dont know WEEK I have been doing absoutley nothing exciting with my life. I have had countless games of pictionary with my brothers and my sister in law not to mention the occasional monopoly or phase ten or the ever so popular Xbox. Now you must understand I am not much for just sitting around all day however when you have just completed your first year of collge and your not used to having free time on your hands ya gotta do what ya gotta do.....right? I will simply count down the days til I leave for an aweosme missions trip to Jamaica and if you care to know there are exactly 6 days left!!!