Sickening Feeling, Not Always A Bad Thing......

This morning as I was making my coffee God felt the need to remind me of some of the times when he has used me to speak to people, most recently this past Sunday morning at church. I was unsure of the purpose of this at first but as I got to thinking why he could possibly want me to remember these things on this particulair day and then I remember a conversation I had with a good frind just a couple nights ago. She knows God wants her to do something but is scared of what the consequences may be if she does indeed talk to this person. So this is kinda for her (she knows who she is).

I got to thinking about when I feel like God wants me to tell someone sonething and how I feel, because afterwards its easy to forget how difficult it was to actually do it because I now see the positive outcomes of the situations. I remember one time inparticulair when I was at bible study at a friends house and God kept speaking the word "comforter" not sure what this meant I just kinda pushed it aside thinking I would figure it out later but God didn't quit I eventually had to get up and write down what I was being told and look up the verses he had given me. At that point I knew I was supposed to give this to someone but wasn't sure who, it was then that I recieved a text and I then knew who it was for. I just so happened to be the last person in the world that I wanted to give it to (go figure right). Needless to say I argued with God pretty much the entire ride home and told him I didn't want to do it but ultimately I decided okay I will do it. However when I got back to my dorm I began having second thoughts and doubting if tis was even God or if I was doing the right thing. I literally felt sick to my stomach with nerves and I had to do something so I called my friend and asked her to come to my room. When she got there I almost backed out yet again but before I could just handed her the paper with everything God had spoken to me on it she read it and guess what it was exactly what she needed on that day.

This wasn't the first or last time this has happened to me but I have recently come to the conclusion that when I begin to doubt something or question something that has been consistantly pulling at me for a long period of time it is usually God and the enemy is trying to keep me from being a witness. So I just have to suck up and do it and I have yet to be let down by God. I trust that he is the one speaking and not myself and I know he ALWAYS has the words that need to be said and that I myself am not the one that is helping the person involved.

The Thoughts That Kept Me Up

It's been a couple weeks since I have posted mainly because I really haven't had anything to say. However, tonight while I was getting ready for bed a had about a million things running through my min and yet not a single answer or solution for any of them. It was then I was prompted to get out my Bible because afterall it seems to always have the answers I need. I hate that i don't read it as much as I should but am always glad when I do decide to study and read The Word. Tonight God led me to Romans 12, a chapter that seems to be coming up alot in my life lately, so I decided to read it and it answered one of the most resounding questions in my head right now.

What significance do I have in the body of Christ?

Romans 12 discusses how every body has parts and no matter the size they all serve a very significant and much needed job all the way from the heart to your pinky toe each part is needed in order for the body to function normally. This is the same with a spiritual body. It goes on to say that people are called to do and be different things and you are to do what you are called fully, If you are called to prophessy then prophessy, if your called to teach then teach. I have recently learned that you don't have to be a preacher or evangelist or miracle worker to be a minister of the gospel. I have learned that sometimes the most powerful ministers are the high school teachers who never turn a child down who needs a friend, or a factory worker who always has a smile, or the janitor who never has a negative thing to say.

I am learning that though I may not know right now exactly what God has planned for my future that if I do what I can for him now it's all going to pan out as it should. Romans 12 also says to love sincerely and right now even if that's all I have to contribute to the kingdom then I will do it with all that I have, because how am I to know who it could touch and what lives it could reach. I ask for anyone who is reading this to pray for me that I can listen and obey what God calls me to do in the future and I also ask that you consider and pray about it in your own lives.

It's rare that God gives me a specific verse or chapter to read but when he does I always get such great insight and tonight I just felt it would be nice to share. However now it is off to bed I am exhausted and just want to sleep so good night everyone!!

So haven't really posted since I got home from Jamaica, mainly because I haven't had a whole lot to say but I figured what the heck I will just update my whole probably two readers on my life.
I got back from Jamaica on the 20th of June and spent a week just relaxing around the house getting used to the way things work in America again and then on the 27th I was off again!
My mom and her fiance' were headed up to the northeastern US towards Boston and New Hampshire, Connecticut and all that to visit some of his family, and since I had never been to any of those places I decided to tag along. So now I am sitting in a hotel room on a not so comfortable bed waiting on them to be ready to go so that we can go say our goodbyes and get on our plane to head home.
Once I get home who knows what my plans for the rest of the smmer will be they seem to come along as they do and I just go with it. Hoping to get back home, meaning, Clarksville, sometime before Auguest to visit soome friends from high school and some family. Then its off to school in August!!! I absolutely can NOT wait I miss that place mroe than I ever thought I would!!!!! I will once again be changing my major this time I am most positivie it is permanent because I really feel Adolescent psych is the perfect place for me to be.

Alright I will quit boring everyone with my plans now and get off of here and clean up so we can go.
Peace :)

The One Who Stole My Heart

So from the first day I was in Jamaica I have met some totally amazing and wonderful childrens, teens and adults and as I am sitting here with only a few days to go before I head home I am thinking about the people I have met and the impact they have made on me and my life. When on the second day of our arrival Ericka and I were asked to join the children's church on their outting to Hope Garden Zoo I really had no idea what to expect however once arriving and meeting all the kids I knew it would be a great day. Once we finished looking at allt he zoo had to offer we all went to an open feild near by and spent the remainder of the day playing games and having fun. It was then that I met a little four year old girl who came up to me and asked me to play catch with her and everyone knows its nearly impossible to say no to adorable young girl with a beautiful smile holding a Hello Kitty beach ball! It was then that I met Zoe!
I absolutely fell in love with this girl she was so happy and so inquisitive about everything around her and one of the most polite and well behaved four year olds I have ever come into contact with. Once we decided to take a rest from our playing one of the older girls informed me that Zoe had lost her mom only a short time ago. This totally broke my heart. As we continued to play this same older girl asked Zoe where her mother was and Zoe simply said as sure as ever.

"My Mommy is in the sky and she don't come down anymore but that okay I will see her agains soon."

After hearing these words come from such a small person I nearly lost it. It just never ceases to amaze me how God can show his love and mercy to even the smallest of people and can give them faith enough to make it through some of the hardest things in life. When she said those words I asked God right then and there to give me the faith of a child. I never really knew what that meant till I met this little girl.

As I arrived at the church tonight for a meeting I was so delighted to see Zoe standing outside. I no sooner got out of the car when she ran up to me and gave me one of the most needed hugs and smiles of my life. I will cherish this little one forever and never forget how on one of our last days together we spent a good thirty minutes playing catch with an imaginary ball outside. I only wish everyone had the opprotunity to meet this precious child. Thank you Zoe for all you have taught me may the Lord bless you and keep you always.

Mission Accomplished

So since we have been here I have had a personal mission to simply see another white person aside from Ericka and myself in Jamaica. Well last night as we were preparing for bed Ericka informed me that she had a similair misson only hers was a bit more ambitious she was determined to see a white person not only in Jamaica but in Old Harbor, the town we are staying in, which in my mind was rediculous because Old Harbor is not much of a city there I would assume only locals would be here witht he occasional random visitor like us and I just didn't think the odds were in our favor. However, I was wrong yes yes yes I know it DOES happen sometines. As we were sitting in the church office this morning a goup of people walked in and SURPRISE there was a white woman with them. I think she was just as shocked to see us as we were to see her. Though we didn't actually speak to her Ericka and I were quite excited. Ericka simply looked over to me and whispered, :mission accomplished"

What I am thinking

So as most people know by now I am going to leaving Jamaica about a month earlier than I originally planned, and to be honest I have mixed emotions about it I am not totally excited to be leaving this wonderful place the people here are wonderful and the church is incredible beyond words, however I wont lie and act as though I am not a little be excited about seeing my family.

So many have asked why am I leaving early and honestly the only answer I have is this.
I came into this journey with a very naive mindset. See I knew months ago that God would do something with me this summer but was never really sure what exactly it was so when I heard about the trip to Jamaica I just simply assumed that that must be what God had in mind. I am regrettful to say that I never prayed about it fervently I just took upon myself to know that that is what God wanted.
Coming to Jamaica has not been a bad thing by any means. It has in fact been one of the best things I have done in my life but I know I am here for the wrong reasons. I don't feel this is what God has for me right now I feel there is something else out there. This was confirmed for me personally when I was up all night praying to God. I asked him to show me what he wanted and if he wanted me to stay then he needed to make it impossible for me to leave. The main way for that to happen would be for me to not be able to afford a plane ticket home which means it would have to be more than $200 because I simply didn't have the money. However when I looked at plane tickets the following day I found a non-stop flight home for $139. This to me was enough.
I am sorry if I have disapointed anyone that was truely not my intention and if I thought this is where God wanted me then I would stay dispite all the circumstances. I hate that I am leaving Ericka here alone in fact she is the only reason I considered staying to begin with, but I know that would not have been right.

So there it is take from it what you will. I love all of you but I am asking you to trust that I am doing what I honestly feel is right.

PRAISE THE LORD!! no really praise the Lord about 130 times

Since being in Jamaica Ericka and myself have had time to not only visit the church we are working with obviously but two other churches as well.and we have noticed something that in my opinion as well as Ericka's is quite humoureous. The first couple services we noticed that they say praise the Lord alot. Each service we attended we noticed this pattern continued. So last night I decided I was going to count how many times they said it within the church service. Lets just say I lost count at 130!!! Now everyone who knows me knows I love God and I love to praise him but this to me is just hilarious. I guess the people in Jamaica really do love God and just want to let him know lol I love it. Just thought I would share.

In other news it appears the youth fellowship went well on Friday night. Ericka and I played a few games with the youth to learn their names and to teach them how to work together and then gave two short devotions and let them know what we wanted to accomplish this summer. They all seemed receptive but time will tell.

Well in closing it definitely looks like we may be going to the beach this week either tomorrow or Thursday from what I hear. I am super excited!! We have also heard that their may be fireworks at the US embassy ont he fourth of July so if this is indeed true we may or may not be going ther to see them and celebrate the fourth.

Well I believe that is all for now :)