Time to speak up.

Before I even begin I have a brief disclosure. I am writing this as a wife, mother, daughter, grandaughter, sister, neice, cousin and friend. It is not my goal to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad. However, with that being said I WILL NOT apologize for what I say nor will my opinion be easily swayed. This post is written primarily for family but I am sure that others may find this to be relavent to their life as well.

For the last few months my family seems to have based battle after battle, now battles are hard enough to fight on any occasion but even harder to fight when your oponent is your own family. I write this post with a broken heart as I have seen people who mean the world to me tear each other to shreds. It's not right and it HAS to stop. Marriages and invaluable relationships are being destroyed.

I am well aware I do not have EVERY detail to EVERY story but from what I do know a lot of this is he said she said highschool garbage. I understand there is hurt in these marriages and relationships that runs deep and that it wont be fixed over night but I feel as though instead of trying to make ammends and work through it, as a family should, instead we are all way to busy casting stones at each other. As a christian family we all KNOW this is not as GOD has commanded.

"For when they kept questioning him, he straightened and said to them, "Let any of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone"

---John 8:7

and James 2:10

"For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty for breaking all of it."

We all know these verses are true as none of us is without sin and every one of us has failed ourselves and each other far more than once and will continue to fail until the day we die. No one failure is greater than the other, but as a family we are to forgive and rejoice in the great things GOD has blessed us with.

We have been through far worse things and are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We tend to take each other for granted. We have two of our own fighting over seas in a war zone and as we all learned on that unforgettable day in 1994 that you never know when GOD is going to call someone home and you never know what your last conversation will be or the last time you will get to tell them you love them. I know there is a lot of hurt and anger going around but not a single one of you can deny the love that we feel despite it all.

I have made a point to stay our of all the different situations, I have not commented on facebook comments and messages for a reason as I did not feel I had anything to say. However now I feel differently. I want MY family back the one who doesn't just give up because things have gotten a bit rough the one that fights for their loved ones and does everything to mend relationships with their spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, exct. I no longer want to be this family that satan is trying to create and I really hope that you all can take this seriously and put you pride aside in order to try and make things good again for all of us.

I know I am not alone in how I think or feel and this is part of the reason I have written this. I love you all!

Vows

" He who finds a wife finds what is good and recieves favor from the LORD"

Proverbs 18:22

It seems to me that all I see on facebook anymore is people, more specifically married couples, airing their dirty laundry and relationship issues out for the entire world to see. This beyond frustrates me for a few reasons but mainly because I have to wonder where the love and respect went in their relationship? It makes me wonder if there ever was any. A marriage is a beautiful thing and can be the greatest thing in your life but it is most often one of the hardest things in life.

A husband and wife should be respectful of each other at all times in good time and in bad. How can a man say such negative about his wife , the woman he has vowed to honor and protect, to an entire audience of people. And how can a wife curse her huband, the man she has vowed to serve and stand beside, to everyone to see? These are things that baffle me.... I understand marriages are rough and people get angry and occasionally things get said that are not meant but why would you put that out there for the world to see? I love and respect my husband far to much for that. Though he can upset me and make me mad I would never blast him all over the internet because quite frankly it's not the place nor is it anyones business. The devil finds any foot hold he can grab onto to destroy a marriage and making issues so public gives him the perfect opprotunity to come in and plant hatred between two peple who used to think their spouse was the most amazing person in the world.

I find it very sad that I know 6 married couples on the verge of divorce! 4 or wich are under the age of 30. Only one of these couples have seeked help in the form of couseling. We have been so trained in modern society that if somethings gets hard then we can just give up and move on insead of fighting through it. Nothing worth having comes easy. I just need to say to any couple who may be struggling, Please remember what you vowed on your wedding day. Work through the hard times. Statistically the majority of marriages end between the 2nd and 4th year simply because the newness has wornoff and life has reared its ugly head and couples just forget to fight for their marriage and the allow other things to become more important.

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the
better comes after the worse." ~Doug Larson

I would give anything to have what you have.

I remember when I was around seven years old I was sitting in my grandmother's kitchen playing with my dolls and my uncle asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I simply said that I wanted to be a mommy. This is such a vivid memory for me and for a while I wasn't really sure why but I believe its because even though that was nearly fifteen years ago and i am now all grown up that want and desire still remains true. There have been alot of things in my life that I have gone back and forth on, that one day I wanted and the next day I didn't but my desire to be a mother and a wife and to care for a family has never once been doubted.

God has blessed me in the past two years with the most amazing man that anyone could ask for and he allowed me the great honor of being his wife. As if Tim was not enough God also blessed me by having Ethan become a part of my family as well. I have never cared for a child in the way that I do that little boy. Though he is not a part of my body and he does not share my DNA he is a huge part of my husband and this makes him so incredibly speacial to him. I have just gotten the great chance to spend some time with him for a little over a week and be his caregiver. Since he lives far away we don't often get the chance to tuck him in at night or give him hugs and kisses when he is sick or hurt. We don't get the chance to take him to his favorite resturaunts or to parks, but this week we were given that opprotunity and I couldn't have asked for a better week. I know most women complain about cooking, cleaning laundry and things of that nature but I love doing it for my family. Though this week has been one of the happies weeks it has also been one of the most depressing.

A couple months ago I went to the doctor because I had been having issues with my monthly cycle and the ran a lot of tests and ultimately discovered that there is a good chance what is known as PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) I know alot of people are familiar with it but the reasearch I have done it has come to my knowledge that it greatly limits your chances to have children of your own since it prevents your body from releasing eggs properly. Though this is not a for sure diagnosis ( will go to the doctor again in a few weeks) it is some of the most devastating news I have recieved. I see Ethan as my son no questions asked, but the fact reamins that he isn't "mine" he has a mommy he has someone that tucks him in every night he has someone that reads him his favorite books and he has someone to kiss his boo boos. No matter how much I want to be I am not who he wants when he is upset he wants his mommy. Don't get me wrong I understand this is how it should be that is his mothers right and her role in his life but I can't help but find myself incredibly jealous of her and all the others who have been given that amazing gift and I can't help but find myself wondering if I will ever have it. I can't express how difficult it is to see someone in a certain way and in them view you in an entirely different manner. I care for Ethan as though he were mine and we get along very well and I will be his Anna for forever just not his mommy. I get so discouraged and frustrated when I see comments about women complaining about having to care of the children, I guess they just don't realize what they have. There are many days when we have Ethan that I simply feel like I am playing house and that sooner or later it is all going to come to an end, that in just a few more days he will return to his mommy and then I will have to go back to my "normal" life. Please don't misunderstand I love being a wife and I love caring for my husband but my heart can't help but long for more.

I know I have probably sounded as though I think what I have is not enough but I promise that's not what I mean Ethan and Tim are my world and if I never do give birth to a child of my own I still could not be more blessed. I know GOD is in control and he has a plan and I am trying my best to trust in him and be patient and see his plans for me. I know he is bigger than any silly disease or disorder and I know if it is his will I will concieve when the time is right. I have just never been the best at being patient when I want something so badly. If anything comes of this blog its for any of the mothers who read it to just hug their kids and truely be thankful for them don't get frustrated as easily even when temper tantrums are being thrown or a baby has been crying for hours on end and you havent slept in days just know that there are so many women in the world that would give anything to have what you have.