When Tim and I first began dating I was only nineteen and though I have always loved kids the idea of potentially being a "step parent" seemed a little daunting, but as time went on I grew to love not only Tim but to love Ethan more than words could ever express.
For the majority of our relationship Tim and I have lived in GA while Ethan and his mom live in CT and we would see him a few times a year and talk with him on the phone multiple times through out the week. Though this was not an ideal situation it is what we had to do for our family at the time.
Since having gotten married I have ALWAYS referred to Ethan as my son, as I genuinely do see him that way and the times he was with us I have always treated him as such. From the beginning he has always called me Anna , which please don't misunderstand is completely acceptable, especially when he only ever saw me maybe twice a year.
However since late August due to situations no one could control Ethan is now with his dad and I full time, something I have viewed as such a huge blessing but at the same time it has opened an entirely new can of worms.
Ethan has a mom and she is very much involved in his life though she lives about 2 hours away now she sees him regularly and they talk and skype often. By no means would I ever want to take that from either of them and I would never want to take her place in Ethan's eyes, but this leaves me in quite an odd place especially given that he is with us full time now and we I am more a part of his day to day activities.
I hate ever having to refer to Ethan as my stepson it just sounds so distant to me and not a reflection of how I truly view him. He is my boy but I am not his mom. I have had quite an identity crisis of sorts lately in not knowing who I am or what I am to him. I know he views me as an authoritative figure and I know he knows I am his dads wife but I don't know how much he gets aside from that and I can't help but wish for more than that. He knows what a step mom is by definition but at five I do not know that he fully grasps it. It seems like almost daily I struggle not fully knowing what to do on simple things like signing permission slips or filling out contact info for soccer registrations; Do I put my name in under mom or do I list his moms even though she would most likely not be able to make it here fast enough int he event of an emergency? Do I give permission on things school related or do I wait til his dad is home and get his ultimate approval first? and perhaps the toughest one of all When I introduce myself to his friends moms at school am I his mom or stepmom or father's wife?
I feel if I say I am his stepmom it seems so cold and uncaring and if I say I am his mom I do not want him to feel uncomfortable.
To be honest I am not sure of exactly what the point of this blog is or what I am hoping to get out of it. I just needed to vent as this is something that I have been dealing with a lot lately. If anyone has any suggestions I am definitely willing to take them.
I would just love to know what is and isn't ok and if there is anything that makes this easier.
